You Don't Deserve To Wear A Bikini

Growing up in the LA/Hollywood distortion...

I grew up fucking hating my body.

Desperately trying to fit into a picture perfect box of what society painted as "beautiful". As "desirable". As even "okay".

I wasted so much time focusing on looking a certain way. On being a certain size. A certain shape. A certain weight.

So much of my precious energy was spent feeling insecure, unworthy, and not good enough.

Regardless of how much I actually weighed, I felt fat, and hated my body.

I lived my life in a constant downward body shame spiral.
And because of this, I missed out on experiencing so many wonderful things. 

The SHAME seed was planted...

At age 13 I was legit told by a teenage boy at the beach: 

"You don't deserve to wear a bikini". 

He launched this explosive word grenade, while adorned with a stick skinny 90 lb girl on each arm. 

What the actual fuck?! 

I was wearing a biking at the time.
I weighed maybe 125 lbs...?
I was not fat by any stretch of the imagination. 

However, as the body shaming trio looked down on me through piercing eyes of harsh judgment and distain, through the programming and social conditioning of an idealized plastic Barbie doll culture, my innocence shattered into a million fucking pieces. 

This shitty comment, this ONE sentence, uttered by a mean hearted stranger, fucking landed.

I allowed this to destroy me.

It was my garden of eden apple moment. I liken it to Eve suddenly becoming aware of her own nakedness. 

It planted the seed of shame that took root. It grew and spread like wildfire.

This one fucking cruel comment seeded decades of body shame that manifested as deep body hatred. 

And while this moment shaped and informed so much of my life from that point forward, it has taught me so much. 

The Truth is...

I am so much more than just a body. My body is the beautiful temple, the sacred vessel, that my soul came here to experience life through. No matter what it looks like.

I didn't know this at age 13. Thank God I know this now.

Our biggest wounding provides our greatest teaching. We can choose to stay in the low vibrational garbage. Or we can choose to alchemize the lie and remember the truth of who we really are.

You do not have to agree to the distortions of other people's illusion.
 And although that shame filled illusion still occasionally rears its ugly head, I am not a victim to that experience any longer. 

In truth, I never really was. 

I simply gave my power away, and agreed to a lie. 

So to all the women who hate your bodies, remember, your body is the beautiful temple, the sacred vessel, that your soul came here to experience life through.

Regardless of what you look like, thin, fat, or in between, your body is the sacred house of your soul.

The more you love + appreciate yourself and your body, right NOW, as you ARE, the more you uproot and alchemize the shitty seeds of shame.
It's time to wake up, to choose to step up, and to powerfully claim your own liberation. 

And as always...

Show up courageously. Be authentic. Speak your soul's truth. Unapologetically. And With Love.

~ Diana Rose Kottle

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